Lately, I have been paranoid and tend to think that when someone hurts me, it must be because they were not properly raised by their family. For example, if someone always tries to intimidate me, I would think that maybe they are also ignored at home and no one listens to what they say, so they use intimidation to assert their existence. There is always an unseen order and reason behind every behavior, and people are influenced by their circumstances.
These statements are too absolute, as if they attribute all evil to the environment and let the main culprits off the hook. In the past, I rarely expressed my opinions with absolute certainty and conviction, as it would make me appear immature and narrow-minded. However, viewing the world is inherently biased, as Zeng Guofan mentioned in his family letters. He also emphasized the importance of staying firm in one's beliefs in order to showcase the uniqueness of each individual.
Suddenly, memories flood back unexpectedly...
Rabbit Doll#
When I was too young to have my own room separate from my parents, I had a rabbit doll that I really liked. The doll had white limbs and long ears. It was my first doll, and I would carry it with me wherever I went, especially when I went to sleep. During the days when my parents would come home late and leave me at the neighbor's house, the rabbit doll would accompany me from dawn till dusk.
In the village, if a child is seen carrying a doll everywhere, it would attract gossip. At that time, I couldn't remember much, but I suppose people found my behavior strange and thought the doll was unhygienic. However, my parents never threw away my beloved doll because it was unhygienic or because they were afraid I would become too dependent on it and not grow up. They would wash it, mend any damages, and return it to me. Looking back now, it seems that most of the things I loved could find a place in our home. Even if other children were interested in my things, they would say that those things belonged to me and not give them away.
Green Paper Mint Candy#
The attitude of parents towards their children would also influence how other uncles and aunties treated me. For example, in terms of addressing me, they would affectionately call me "Lan Lan," and they would be more enthusiastic compared to other children. However, there was one uncle who was a close friend of my father and an important business partner. Among our group of children, he favored another boy from another uncle's family and was always indifferent towards me, neither favoring me nor coming over to play with me.
However, there was one time when he came to my house and forgot something, so he had to go back home. He asked if there was anything he could bring for me, and I casually said, "Bring me some candy" (my parents were not present, only other adults and me were in the yard, so they didn't know about him bringing candy for me). The uncle brought many things from the small shop at his house, which they needed for a gathering, and he didn't forget to put a handful of candies in his pocket for me. They were the candies displayed on the shelves and in small jars for sale. I still remember that the bag of candies had green wrappers and tasted like mint.
I was shocked when I received the candies, as I didn't expect him to actually bring them when I casually mentioned it. Usually, my father would have to pay when he bought things from his shop, and I didn't have any money to give him. It was during that time that I felt like a grown-up, being taken seriously and respected.
I also began to realize that when your parents take you seriously, other people will also take you seriously and treat you as someone who can break free from the constraints of age. Looking back now, my father always praised me, both privately and in front of others. He never belittled me. Even the smallest details, such as holding chopsticks steadily or eating by myself, were always praised as if they were something worth showing off...
Until today, I still feel that my parents have given me great strength to survive in this world. They truly are the most gentle people I have ever encountered.